Dealing with an Angry Senior

Think of angry old folks and Grumpy Old Men may come to mind. Movies and TV are loaded with surly seniors criticizing their kids or acting rudely to anyone else that gets in their way. These images have become stereotypes. In movies, they are cute and entertaining but it real life, bitter seniors can a living nightmare. 

One of the possible side effects of aging is anger. If you’re on the receiving end of a parent or loved one’s wrath, you can relate. So how do deal with an angry senior? Are you angry back with them? Do you ignore them? Visit them less often? Cut them out of your life? These are options but not very good ones.

Let’s look at some better options. But first, we’ll see what’s making seniors angry.

Causes of Senior Anger

Some of these reasons for anger may be obvious, while others are less so. What’s important is identifying the cause(s).

• Physical Health. Getting old sometimes means deteriorating health such as illness, chronic pain, disability, which often require back-and-forth trips to the hospital. For seniors poor health can turn into feelings of fear, vulnerability, loss of independence and eventually, anger.
• Depression. Depression can be long-term or short-lived depending on the root causes. One of the many symptoms of depression is anger. And depending on the causes, anger will likely continue until the depression is managed. Some causes include social isolation, poor physical health, poor eating habits, and recent loss.
• Brain Damage. Stroke victims are particularly susceptible to angry behavior. One study found that 32% of stroke sufferers had an inability to control their anger. Another study found, coincidentally, that “people who had strokes were more likely to have experienced anger or negative emotions in the two hours prior to the stroke.”
• Dementia. One of the side effects of dementia-related diseases such as Alzheimer’s is apparent irrational anger. Alzheimer’s often erodes a person’s capacity for judgment and self-control. But sometimes, the person is just scared or confused.
• Family Problems. Has your behavior changed with your loved one? Do you treat them any differently? Do you still include them in important discussions? They may be lashing out at you for some perceived ill-treatment, justifiable or not.
• Recent Loss. If they’ve recently lost a loved one, anger is a natural emotion. But it should not be on going.
• Fear and Anxiety. Growing old can be frightening. Your mortality has never been more apparent.
• Medication. Some medications for chronic conditions can cause a change in behavior including anger.

Tips on Dealing with an Angry Senior

First, put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that your health is declining; that you may not feel as valuable now that you’re not working; that death is a bigger reality than ever.

Then ask your loved one about their anger. What’s making them angry? Maybe it’s something you can help with. Maybe it’s even you and your behavior. If that’s the case, listen to what they have to say. Don’t get angry yourself.

Maybe there are little things they need help with but were too proud to ask for help. You offering to help with tasks may take the burden off their shoulders.

If they don’t know what’s making them angry, suggest a counselor to talk with. There may be an underlying issue that either they’re unaware of or just don’t want to talk with you about. If they won’t talk to a counselor, how about their pastor, priest or rabbi?

Suggest social activities that can occupy and enrich their lives. Contact the local senior center. Contact the local Area Agency on Aging about volunteer activities.

Suggest regular exercise. Is there a walkers group? How about a gym membership? Research shows that exercise is better than medication for managing depression and its symptoms like anger.

Suggest they keep a journal about what is troubling them. Writing down your thoughts are surprisingly therapeutic and calming.

If they live alone, suggest an independent or assisted living community. These communities can be excellent ways to make friends,

Final Thoughts

Where there’s an angry senior, there’s usually a reason. Find out what that reason is and make suggestions that will help them ease the angry feelings. It may be as simple as going for a daily walk. Whatever it is, your life and your loved one’s will be better for it.